Happy Graduation! (It Takes a Village!)

I love graduation season!  Love it!  I get so tickled when I see cap & gown pictures and proud, stoked parents.  How can you NOT smile when you see that?  Cutest thing ever!

A few days ago my niece graduated from high school in Florida. Her mom, my sister (an amazing single mom) was beaming.  And so was I.  Same goes for my entire family. Our friends and neighbors were equally excited too!  

My niece's graduation was a true labor of love.  There were highs, lows, growing pains, fashion wins (she's a diva) and lots of laughter along the way.  And through it all, she had a village of supporters who held her down.  All graduates do!  That's why it's such a special time.  

The world seems crazy at times, and I often worry about this upcoming generation.  They need encouragement.  They need love (sometimes tough love), and they need a village to rally around them through good and challenging times.    

Graduations are so awesome!  Point-blank-period.  They symbolize accomplishments, possibilities, the future and the village.  Perfect reasons to celebrate! :)  

Kermit & Miss Piggy Are Finally Getting Married (Would You Wait 40 Years?)

Hold up.  Wait.  Stop the press.  It just got real.... 

The adorable, sweet, soft-spoken Kermit the Frog and the one & only, the O.D. (Original Diva), the fearless and always fabulous Miss Piggy are FINALLY getting married! 

After a 40-year courtship, Miss Piggy has apparently snagged her longtime boo.  Word on the street is their wedding will take place in the new movie, "Muppets Most Wanted."  I haven't seen the movie yet, so I can't confirm it.  The gossip folks say Miss Piggy reached out to Vivienne Westwood recently and asked the designer to create a wedding gown for her.  Hmmm.... Sounds like somebody's walking down the aisle to me!

Listen.  If it IS true, I'll be the first to congratulate them.  Because duh, I love love!   

But, if I can be honest for a sec....  *sips tea*  I love Miss Piggy and all, but I don't know if I would have waited 40 years to marry the love of my life.  I mean, the first thought that comes to my mind is,'What took so damn long?'  But hey, I'm a Virgo and I'm impatient, so there's that.  

I understand people wanting to make sure they're ready for marriage.  But, 40 years?  Geez.  

In reality, there's no blueprint that outlines the appropriate time to date someone before you become engaged and then enter into a marriage.  There's no right or wrong answer.  It's a personal decision based on a lot of factors.  I get it.

Miss Piggy and Kermit's love clearly has no expiration date.  But, let's be real.  They're muppets.  They could have waited another 20 years and no big deal!    

But, would you wait 40 years for love?  Would you wait 3 months? Two years?  Indefinitely?  

Love is amazing, weird and beautiful.  It's one hell of a drug.  And yes, it will make you do some crazy things.  #neversaynever

Kids Have a Right To Go To School & NOT Be Bullied

I've gone on record many times about my thoughts on bullying.  It's no secret how I feel.  But just in case you don't know....I don't just hate bullies, I despise them. 

A few days ago, nine year-old Grayson Bruce of North Carolina was bullied by his classmates because of his My Little Pony backpack.  And by bullied, I mean punching, kicking, pushing and calling this kid names.  School officials eventually got involved and their solution?  Zero punishment for the bullies.  Instead, they told Grayson: "Stop bringing your backpack to school. It's making you a target for bullying."  *slow blinking*

Huh?  What kind of warped, twisted ass logic is that? 

I'll tell you what it is, it's wrong on sooooooo many levels.  Not only is it terribly wrong, it sends a dangerous message to kids who think it's OK to bully people.  It sends an even more damaging message to children who are being bully.  Side Note: It really ticks me off that adults made this decision.  Adults!  Incredibly irresponsible.   

Grayson Bruce and his mother.

Kids have a right to go to school and not be bullied.  As parents, school officials, teachers, aunts, uncles, godparents, friends, etc., we all have a responsibility to protect children from bullies.  We should all do our part to let bullies know that their behavior will not be tolerated or accepted.  And kids need to know there will be harsh repercussions if they choose to participate in any kind of bully behavior.  

See...I could never, ever be on a panel about bullying.  Nah.  No.  Nope.  I have a very unconventional way to deal with bullies.  I won't share it with because you'll judge me.  But, just know this... Bullies are cowards.  They operate on intimidation.  They're weak (never as tough as they seem). They're behavior is rooted in ignorance (any fool can be a bully).  

Once you really understand these things, you see bullies in a totally different light.  Your entire attitude and perspective will shift and...you will act accordingly.  Trust me.  

* steps down off of my soapbox *


FYI....Grayson's mother withdrew him from that school and he is now being homeschooled. He has received an outpouring of support and launched a Facebook page (Support For Grayson) that campaigns against bullying. 

Say No to Yes People.....

You can totally tell when a celebrity has a team of "yes" people working for/with them.  I'm not calling anybody out, but you've seen these celebs go bat crazy in media interviews, right?  You've watched their performances at awards shows and thought..."What the !$@% was that?!"  And you've raised an eyebrow at some of their questionable career choices.  

It's natural to want people around you who are supportive and positive.  I get that.  Trust me, I get it!  However--and this is a big however, if your squad consists of a bunch of "yes" people, be careful.  "Yes" people will try to convince you that average is good enough. They'll have you believing that mediocrity is the norm.  They're uncomfortable with telling you the truth.  "Yes" people will have you out here looking...foolish. 

Having supportive and positive folks in your circle is a must!  Make sure you have genuine people who have your best interest at heart also.  People who will tell you the brutal, honest truth when everyone else is stroking your ego.  People who aren't afraid to tell you flat out, "Dude, you're f***king up."  People who will look you square in your eyes and say, "I disagree with you and here's why...."

I recently finished a major project and shared it with a close friend/mentor for feedback. This friend is wickedly talented and very successful.  I respect his opinion and I know he cares about me.  After reviewing my work, he gave it a 7.5 out of 10.  Ugh!  My heart sank.  It was tough to hear, but you know what?  He was right.  

I carefully reviewed his feedback, examined my work and made some adjustments.  And now?  My project is much better and scheduled to launch this summer (Yes!).   

Anywho...the moral of the story is this: Be cautious of folks who only tell you what you want to hear ("Yes" people).  Be open to constructive criticism.  Be 'OK' with being wrong sometimes and make changes if necessary.  And always surround yourself with people who will push you to be your best.  

Don't Downplay Your Dopeness For ANYONE

                                  “A girl should be two things: who and what she wants.”  - Coco Chanel 

I love EVERYTHING about this picture.  This is Iris Apfel.  She's 93 years young.  She's a businesswoman, interior designer and fashion icon.  In 2012, at the age of 90, she became a visiting professor at the University of Texas at Austin.  Listen.  Miss Iris is the bizness (no typo).  Blue eyeshadow, red lips, funky glasses, gaudy jewelry and all!  

I could do a post about finding your little light and letting it shine, but I won't.  I could remind you to do you and forget about what everyone else thinks, but you already know. This photo pretty much sums it up: Be true to your heart.  Be fearless.  Be you.

  



  

What I Know For Sure....(Oprah Started Something)

Oprah started something.  For years, she's shared her "What I Know For Sure" column in O magazine with readers.  I'm no Oprah, but as I get older, there are more and more things I absolutely, 100% know for sure about myself.  Here are just a few:

• I prefer dogs to cats.
• I'm a writer.
• I hate oatmeal, milk, yogurt and the Lakers.
• I'll always be a few pounds overweight (It's called "thickness").
• I love smart men.
• I love smart women.
• I'm private, not secretive (There's a difference).
• I'm terrified of snakes and bad politicians.
• My faith is rarely shaken.
• I will always love and appreciate a good book. 

It's always good to take a sec and reflect on yourself from time to time.  Be honest about what you know for sure (thus far in your life).  Do an assessment.  Do you like yourself?  Are you complicated?  What makes you smile?  Are you a work in progress like me?  Just some things to think about....  

You Wanna Date My Daughter? Fill Out This Application First

Listen.  I understand the special bond between Dads and their baby girls.  I know it's real.  I know that no boy/man that she brings home will ever be good enough for his sweet dumplin', precious lambchop, angel-face, puddin' pop.  And I know that her Daddy is the first man she'll ever love.  Very important relationship.  I get it.  

But, has it gotten so bad out here that Dads are resorting to this?!  An "Application For Permission To Date My Daughter."  Whoa.   

I love the "Explain what 'DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER' means to you" section.  Sweet pre-teen Jesus.  What is this world coming to?  *giggle*

The "N" Word...More People Need It In Their Life

Ohhhhhh, you thought I was talking about the other "N" word???  Nope. No sir, no ma'am, not here.  Not with this post (Maybe later).  I'm referring to the "N" word as in....NICE.  

First things first: Let me just say this.  Being nice is not a sign of weakness. Smiling doesn't mean you're soft or your "thug" levels are slowly dissolving.  Letting someone merge into traffic doesn't mean you're a wimpy, scary driver.  Giving someone a friendly compliment doesn't mean you want to marry him/her.  Not. At. All.  Nothing could be farther from the truth.  It just means you're....nice.  And there's nothing wrong with that. 

I idolized my grandma growing up.  She'd sit with me for hours and give me THE best advice.  One of the greatest things she ever told me was to 'be nice.'  And in true "keep it real" fashion, she never added a lot of ingredients to those two simple words.  She was so sweet.  She'd say, "Be nice 'cuz you never know what someone is going through."  That's it!  Simple.  

She taught me a lot, but that stayed with me. I was always a nice kid.  Polite, mannerable and easy-going.  Not much has changed.  I'm still the same.   

I pity people who are hell bent on being mean.  Typically when someone is mean and nasty, other traits like 'vindictive,' 'arrogant,' 'rude,' and 'bitter' are a part of their twisted energy too.  What a sad, sad life.  Oh well. *shrugs*

Those folks don't stop me from being nice.  No friggin way!  It's in my DNA.  It's what my grandma taught me.  And it's a comfortable place for me.  If I'm mad about something (doesn't happen often), I won't become a horrible, ugly Cruella de Vil.  I'll most likely become quiet.  Extra quiet.  And if THAT happens?  Whew. :)  D  *Nice people often add a smiley icon after saying something slightly mean*

If you're a genuinely nice person, do me a favor and continue to be that way.  I bet you're smiling as you're reading this right now.  Nice people smile often...it's so easy for us!  And for those who choose to live a different kind of life?  Hey--If that brings you joy and contentment, I guess...  Just be sure to tell "Karma" I said Hi when you run into her.  She's a beyotch!

My Video of The Day: Colin Powell & Affirmative Action

I met Colin Powell years ago when he was contemplating a run for the U.S. presidency.  I was so intrigued with him.  After all these years, I still am.  One day....I'm gonna sit down and have a conversation with him.  Watch and see.  

Here's Mr. Powell from HBO's "The Black List", speaking about affirmative action. His words struck a chord with me.  I couldn't have said it better myself..... 

My Video Of The Day: Music REALLY Is The Language Of Love

I love music and I love kids, so this one was a no-brainer.  I have no idea what this lil munchkin is singing, but she's so freakin' cute and her passion is priceless.  I fell in love with her right on the spot! :-)

 

My 2012 Theme Song (Hey--Don't Judge Me)

Soooo....I won't go into detail about me and my theme songs.  Click here to find out the scoop on THAT & to see my theme song from 2011!  

I'm SO excited about 2012, my Pink vision (wink) and all of life's opportunities, challenges and victories.  Bring it on!!! :)

Some folks listen to gospel, jazz or something really soft & mellow to feel inspired.  Me?  Not!  Whenever I have an important meeting or I'm nervous or unsure about something, or when I just need to feel motivated & hyped, I turn to this.... 

So, ALLOW ME TO REINTRODUCE MYSELF. My name is Steeepphhh!!! :) 

                                         Public Service Announcement by Jay-Z

Soundtrack of My Life: Track 2 (Sweet Thing -Rufus & Chaka Khan)

I'm such a sucker for a beautiful love song.  I have many, many favorites, but this one right here.... Ohhhhh--it makes me smile real hard:)  

Note: My momma calls Chaka Khan (her favorite singer), the Queen.  I concur.

Soundtrack of My Life: Track 1 (Golden -Jill Scott)

This pretty much sums me up.  I never, ever, EVER get tired of hearing this song!  It's so.....me.  My very own, personal movement.  Pay attention:)

'The Help' Made Me Laugh, Cry, But Mostly It Made Me Think....

I have to be honest.... I had some anxiety about seeing the movie The Help.  I'd read the book and it was an emotional roller coaster for me.  I had to actually put it down a few times and walk away.  It touched a nerve and I wasn't sure if I wanted to experience that again. But I thought about my grandma. 

She was "the help," a maid in the South who worked for a wealthy white family for many years. My earliest memories in life are those with my grandma.  I remember it so clearly.  I was about 4 or 5 years old.  She and I would wake up early in the morning, ride a bus to the other side of town and land at the biggest, most beautiful house I'd ever seen. 

My grandma (everybody called her Tena) would cook and clean for hours while I played outside with the family's two small children.  Two boys.  I remember it like it was yesterday.

So....The Help.  Once again it took me on an emotional roller coaster. Probably even worse this time because the women who brought these characters to life were exceptional. I felt each heartbreak, the pain & grief, the triumphs and the fear.  All of it. I got mad all over again, and laughed even harder and louder than when I read the book! (The translation from book to screen was amazing.)

For some people, The Help is a painful reminder of a time in America's history that was full of hatred and violence. And they don't want to remember that.  They don't want to relive it.  I understand.  For others, The Help is yet another "rescue" movie that shows a white person swooping in to save hopeless, brutally oppressed black people.  I understand why people would feel that way too.

My experience however, was different.  For me, the story was a moving tribute to all of those women who walked bravely into the pit of hell, and faced the familiar and the unknown with strength and integrity.  The movie was inspirational.  It represented the unsung heroes in my community who have gone unnoticed and unappreciated over the years.  It represented my grandma.

She  passed away when I was 7 years old.  So, I never got a chance to sit with her and listen to stories about her life as a maid.  I felt a little closer to her after I saw The Help. I've always loved my grandma, but I have a renewed respect for her now.  I'm not sure if she would have loved the movie like I did, but I think she would have laughed, cried, gotten mad even.  I think...somewhere right now she's sitting back with her favorite coke and salted peanuts saying, "Nice job, ladies. You got it right."

 

My Amy Winehouse Connection

This week’s news about Amy Winehouse hit me hard.  I didn’t know this songbird personally, but I've been a huge fan ever since I heard "Frank", her brilliant, eclectic debut CD. I couldn't believe this big, honest, soulful sound was coming out of this tiny girl from London - who looked nothing like me:)  

Over the years, I've remained a fan. I cheered in 2008 when she swept the Grammys and  showed 'em she was the real deal.  And yes, like the rest of the world, I grooved and sang "No, No, No" when she belted out her personal story on 'Rehab'.  I watched on pins & needles with other fans as she struggled with her addiction too. And like so many others, I was hopeful that she would conquer her demons.  She didn't.... Damn.  

My heart goes out to the Winehouse family.  Her mom and dad buried their 27-year-old daughter this week. How sad is that?  I didn't know Amy, but unfortunately I know her story all too well.  I guess you could say she and I had a connection....  Maybe that's why I was so troubled by her death.

Addiction is real in my family and I hate it. I've seen too many loved ones fight this battle, give up, try again, recover, keep trying, etc.  Some have been successful and others are still struggling.  

I don't always understand it, but it's not my place (or anyone's place) to judge them. Addiction is a sickness; an illness that should be treated and viewed as such. No one in their right mind would ever laugh or be insensitive about someone who died as a result of cancer, so why do it when someone dies from the result of drug abuse?

Addiction is not a joke. It's not funny. Trust me, it ain't pretty. For those who have experienced it or who have loved ones in the midst of the storm, we know it's painful.  For those of you who haven't experienced it, be thankful.  

For me, Amy's death was a reminder of the thousands of people who are struggling with addiction, and the families & friends who love them despite of it.  It reminded me that 
people are human and sometimes they don't always make the best decisions. It doesn't mean they're stupid or crazy. They're just human.

So, to those who stand in judgement of Amy and others, I encourage you to keep on living.  Give it some time. Let life throw some stuff at you that you didn't expect.  Let life knock you down.  And when it does (and it will), remember Amy Winehouse. Think about the jokes you shared, the heartless comments about her death and your lack of compassion.  Remember her.

Her music, her talent, and her life were gifts. Her contributions to this world were plentiful and powerful. She was only here a short time, but her memory (that voice!) and her influence will live on and on...  R.I.P. Amy.  Damn.      

Life Lessons From My Dog, Kopper (AKA “Boom-Boom”, “Puchi”)

Technically, I’m a pet owner.  In reality, it’s my dog’s world and I just live in it!  She makes me scratch my head in disbelief sometimes (she takes the word “Diva” to a whole other level!). She can be annoying, she's uber-cute, she can be sweet, but most of all, she cracks me up daily.  I learn a lot from this little 10 lb, four-legged, furry human….

Don’t Take Life Too Seriously - In her world, when something doesn’t work out,  she gets up, moves on and starts chewing on something new.  Makes sense, right?  Keep it moving….

If You Love Someone, Show ‘em!  - Don’t be stingy with love.  My little Boom-Boom  loves me to death (and vice-versa).  She showers me with love daily.  And I have to admit, it makes me feel great.... 

Sometimes, You Just Gotta Be a Diva – Kopper loves to be pampered, hates to be cuddled and would rather dine on treats, than a full-course meal.  Call her diva, but she knows what she wants, when she wants it and she doesn’t care what anyone says about it. Bam! :) 

Trust Your Gut! – Kopper knows within 5 minutes if she’s gonna have a positive or negative vibe with someone.  If she warms up to you fast, chances are, you’re good people.  If not, oh well….it’s been real.  I’m not THAT anal, but paying close attention to that little voice (your gut feeling) will save you a lot of time, heartbreak, headaches, etc.  Trust me…

Work With What You Got! – My dog has the most hideous under-bite you’ve ever seen in your life.  In addition to her under-bite, she’s missing a few teeth.  Her smile is a hotmess.com to say the least!  But, you know what?  When she walks into a room, she owns it. Head high and full of confidence!

Rest: Get You Some – Listen, you can’t conquer the world if you’re dead tired.  Even Jesus rested on the seventh day, so get those Zzzz’s in.  Side Note: I don’t sleep nearly as much as my Puchi. She’s a diva and requires at least 10-12 hours a day....or else. 

  

Kopper & Willie (her Boo)

 



(PINK) Public Service Announcement

Martin Luther King, Jr. day is officially observed on January 17^th.  Some folks see it as the most-awaited first holiday break of the year and some see it as a time to reflect and rejoice.  I choose the latter. 

Dr. King’s life is a movement and it didn’t end in 1968.  I was a part of it in 2008, when President Obama became the 44^th President of the United States.  I can experience it 24-hours a day on a cable network called OWN (Oprah Winfrey Network) and I’m encouraged by it when I think of people like Bill Gates, Marian Edelman and Hydeia Broadbent.

My favorite quote by Dr. King is actually a question:

"Life's most urgent question is: What are you doing for others?"

My answer: Not enough.  What's yours?

Smiling Like Miss Celie

I’m terrible at receiving compliments.  Most times I just say thanks and smile like Miss Celie. Other times I feel the need to explain, justify or just return the compliment.  And then—and this is the worst, there are times when I just won’t take it!  I’ll actually come up with things to say to weaken a flattering remark.  It's the weirdest thing ever.  Here’s how the conversation goes:

Person A:  Steff, you really look cute tonight.
Person B:  Yeah, you’re workin’ that dress.
Me:  Oh please, I could stand to lose 20 lbs. If it weren’t for Spanx, I’d be…

Why do I do that?!?  Reason #1: I’m kinda shy and I don’t like a lot of attention. Reason #2 (the real reason): Compliments make me a bit uncomfortable.  In some ways I feel like if I believe the “hype” of a compliment, I’ll become arrogant and shallow. Truth is, I’m not arrogant or shallow.  I’m unassuming and humble.  I want to stay that way forever and ever (corny, but true.)

I often wonder, will I ever get to a place where I can just accept and embrace a compliment in the spirit in which it’s intended to be?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  Until then, I’ll just keep smiling like Miss Celie….       

Miss Celie from The Color Purple