Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Tionna Smalls Keeps It Real with New Book: Men Love Abuse

Relationship advisor, entrepreneur, author and star of VH1's reality series What Chilli Wants, Tionna Smalls says ladies, yes it's true...Guys love mean girls:

Relationship experts seem to be popping up everywhere, but you’ve been doing this a long time.  How did you get into the relationship business?  What motivates you to do this?

I thought I knew it all when I broke up with my first boyfriend, then I started dating and I was like Oh My God, these dudes are off the chain.  So I started writing about my dating experience and wrote the first independent version of the book, "Girl Get Your Mind Right!" Once I did this, I received a job from Gawker (a media website) and the rest was history.  I don't really consider myself an expert, but I can battle with the best...I am very obsessed with male and female interaction and also decided to go back to school to become a therapist for women; helping them with love, self love and self-esteem, etc.  I was born to do this.

So, if I want to be a bi*ch and get hitched, outside of picking up a copy of “Men Love Abuse,” what should I do first?
You have to first ask yourself, are you too nice? If you feel you are, that is the first step...Knowing is beautiful. After that, you just start spending some time with yourself, learning what you like and what you don't like and once you know that, you just don't play and do your thang.  If you become selfish and just think about you, you will be OK because then you won't be afraid to lose.

Women are taught to be nice, polite and cordial.  Should we just abandon that theory altogether?
Yessssssssss.  We should only be nice, polite and cordial occasionally.  LOL.  No, we should always be polite and cordial, but never be too nice.

True or False: Guys love mean girls.

They sure do. The more you don't give a F***, the more they want to be with you.  It is so true.

Is there such a thing as too much abuse?

Yes. Some women could be too b*tchy or too demanding. You need to know how to do it without being too ABUSIVE, because then you are going to turn the man off.  You just want to give enough abuse to get your point across. Overall, you just can't play with a man.

It sounds like ‘abuse’ will get a man, but will it keep him?
Abuse will definitely get them and you lighten up with the abuse to keep him, but no matter how long you had your man, you better always stay strong with your convictions and not allow a dude to do whatever to you.  You can't be afraid to check him even if you are in a long term relationship, but this ideology is mostly for women who are trying to snag 'em and bag 'em.

What three things do you want women to take away from “Men Love Abuse?”
The number one thing is to not be too nice under any circumstances, to be strong with these dudes no matter how much you like him, and to never sweat a guy.  We are queens, they are supposed to sweat us.

In your opinion, what’s the biggest dating mistake women/men make?

They get too open off of dudes, they give too much and they do too much.  They love too fast, fall too hard. They get rid of their friends and hobbies once they meet a man.  And most of all, they stop talking to their other Boos once they meet one guy they like. Take the time out to date! 

What’s the best love/relationship advice you’ve ever received?
All my great advice about love and relationships came from my father.  He says a lot of little gems, but these two stuck to me.  He said the problem with women is they give too much to a dude and they don't have to.  That was some deep 'ish' and the second advice was "
Don't come home with a wet a** and some Chinese food."  Those two quotes made me the woman I am today.  I am not playing.

Men Love Abuse will be released on January 27, 2012.  The book is currently available on Kindle and Nook.

Follow Tionna Smalls on Twitter: 


  1. Great interview Steph!!Tionna hit the head on the nail with the biggest dating mistakes some women make!!!

    1. Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it! All my girlfriends are agreeing with Tionna! :)

  2. So many rules, so many theories, so many factors....... What ever happened to people just having fun?

    A thing of the past I guess !

    1. I know, right? Seems like there's a lot of rules for women. Not so much for men... What's up with that?? :)

  3. Great job on your interview Steph, although I don't agree on all of advice on dating,but I think you did a wonderful job on interviewing her,great work you are a natural,I'm so proud of you, keep up the good work.....

  4. yvette jan 25,2012 3:23PM Hi Steph,yor interview was great although I didn't agree with all her advice,on the subject,but I think you were wonderful with the interview, you're a natural,keep up the good work.....

    1. Tionna made some great points! Not sure if I agreed with everything she said also, but she definitely makes you think about some things...

  5. Nice interview Steph but one question I would have liked you had asked her, simply how was her own personal life going? If any of the "advice" she shared in her book help her meet, keep, or marry a man? Is she currently in a relationship.? Or Single?

    I know that men like confident and strong women not weak and subservient women. That's is such a "Neanderthal way of thinking". Let me say no man in his right mind wants "abuse" from his lady. She can act like if she wants too. I guaranteed she'll get left for another nicer woman. Why in the black community we have all this relationship discord between men and women? We can do better than this? You don't see much of these books and discord coming from other races just saying.

  6. Hey Ian! Good feedback! You're right--I should have asked Tionna if this technique is working for her. My bad:) Not sure why our community seems to be in conflict about relationships. Great point...


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