Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Unwritten Rules of Twitter: What They Don't Tell You When You Sign Up (Volume I)

It's no secret.  I love Twitter.  When I joined the Twitterverse a few years ago, I admit--I was a little naive. So, I jumped right in (Look Ma, no hands!)  There were no instructions, no warnings...I'm still waiting on my "Welcome to Twitter" muffin basket.  Nada.  Nothing.  Zero.

And I realized very quickly there were a lot of things the Twitter Welcoming Committee doesn't tell you.... (Thank me later):
  • Typing the word "your" on Twitter when you mean "you are" can be dangerous.  Jesus himself could get on Twitter and say "Fear not, child. I know that your going to heaven," and someone will respond to him and say..."Actually, it's you're."
  • There's no reason for you to combine your "hahahas" and "lols" in the same tweet.  Way too much.  Nothing is ever THAT funny.

  • Don't ever say ANYTHING bad about Beyonce.  Her fans are ruthless and will come for you with the ETHER.

  • Unfollowing Folks (Part I)
    Listen.  The unfollow struggle is real.  People (including me) always think waaaaaay too much about it. Then...they do it anyway. Just know that this is normal.  Don't beat yourself up about it.

    • Unfollowing Folks (Part II)
      If you unfollow people, don't tell them.  It's like announcing you're leaving a free concert in a room full of people. Awkward and...lame.

    • "Twitter After Dark" is real and in full effect after midnight on weekdays, 11:00 pm (EST) on weekends.  If you can't handle the raunch & ratchetness, log off and come back during daytime hours.  No shame, just go.
    • Deleting Your Twitter Account
      There's no need to let the Twitterverse know you're deleting your account.  No one really cares and you'll be back after a week or so.
       
    • If you're a Kim Kardashian fan, you might want to keep that to yourself.  People go IN on her (and her fans) on Twitter like you would not believe.
    •  If you're not careful, Twitter will harden your heart.  It will darken your soul, if you let it.  Before you know it, you'll be slandering dead celebs and sick kids with the quickness. So....think before you tweet.

    • Non-parents, be careful.  Tweeting about kid topics (potty training, disciplining, homeschooling, etc.) could get ugly.  Tread lightly here or else.... #MommysDontPlay



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