Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Marriage: I Do. I Don’t. I Will. I Won’t.

My views on marriage constantly change. On Monday afternoon, I may see a cute, happy couple with 2.5 beautiful kids and I want to just take the plunge. Be like Nike and Just Do It!  Thursday morning rolls around and I talk to friends who are going through a painful divorce and bam! *throws hands up*  I vow to never, ever go down that road (or aisle in this case).  And then there are my “Carrie Bradshaw” days.  Times where I’m livin’ it up with my girls, shopping with no boundaries or having Sunday brunch with special friends at my favorite spot.  In those moments I sit back, bask in my independence, smile and think…life is good.

It’s not that I don’t believe in the principle of marriage. It’s quite the opposite. I see marriage as a joint venture. And like any great merger, selecting the right partner for long term compatibility is critical.  I think…marriage is one of the most important decisions in a person’s life.  It’s one of the most important commitments that someone will make during their lifetime.  And when I do it—if I do it, I want to be certain it’s right.  Not perfect, but right.
I have friends (and family members) who have successful, loving marriages and I admire them so much. But can I keep it real for a sec?  I have even more friends who have struggled to find that happy place with their spouses. The results: infidelity, depression, insecurities, divorce and…drama!  

I had a conversation recently with a good friend whose marriage ended after only a few years.  The Virgo in me had to know, what went wrong?  There were several things, but the main issue: He and his ex-wife were in different places in their lives.  He wanted ‘this’ and she wanted ‘that’.   

I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever get married.  But what I do know is this: I will always be honest with myself.  I’ll listen to my heart and my head. And I’ll make the best decision for me, and no one else. 
And that’s how I’m feeling...today.  Two weeks from now could be a whole other story!  So stay tuned....


  1. Marriage is a multi-faceted adventure of lows, highs, mediums and unexpected adventures. I think the textbook marriage persona is antiquated and should be revisited. You should have the option to renew the contract on a yearly basis, just like any other contract binding obligation. I agree with you about doing what’s right for you in any relationship, friendship, and friend’s w/benefits situation. Here’s something that I know for sure……you don’t know what you don’t know about a person until you're in a marriage contract, and have promised to love them forever through sickness and health….until death do you part. My advice to you is to investigate their background, talk to all of their family members…especially the ones that they hate and get a credit report. You should pursue this venture as you would any other life altering decision. Marriage is NOT about love, lust and fairy tales. It is the combining of lives, debt, issues, regrets, promises, happiness, failure and joy.

  2. You must remember that from the beginning, marriage was honerable in the site of God. I had to learn that. I thought marriage was between two people, but I was wrong. It's between three people: You, your husband and God. When He's not in the the marriage, don't look for it to work. I will stake my life on this and if u need scriptures for marriage, I have them for u....


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